I'm Sorry
by Kirlial
Summary: 2003 anime based. After the events following Lab 5, Al feels things aren't entirely settled between he and his brother, not that Ed would ever admit to it. Discussions and awkward hugs follow.


**First time posting an FMA story. This takes place in the 2003 anime some time after episode 24 bonding memories and before words of farewell, so Ed and Al are both in central post lab 5. This is basically a canon-compliant one-shot of a discussion I felt needed to go down.**

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Alphonse followed his brother around anxiously, wishing he wasn't so insistent on running around the city. He was still injured from his fights in Lab 5 even if he seemed intent on proving otherwise. Just because his automail was now in perfect condition didn't mean the rest of him was equally recovered.

It wouldn't do to say anything though because Edward would just deny everything. He hated to be slowed down by his own limitations and seemed to figure that pure determination could overcome anything. It was like that with learning alchemy, attempting human transmutation, getting automail, and even joining the military. He had absolutely no patience for himself. It was both his most admirable and most infuriating trait.

But Alphonse followed him around with all the patience that his dear older brother lacked. Sometimes he felt rather like the only person in the world who could put up with Edward's antics, and maybe that was because he couldn't feel things right, not trapped inside a hollow unfeeling suit of armour. Yet, maybe Edward was the only person selfless enough to put up with his own antics.

It had been three days since Alphonse had run away from his brother after accusing him of being fake, that Edward had never cared for him at all and that he'd been created by his brother with fake memories and fake feelings. He'd listened to the words of a serial killer and abandoned the only family he had. Edward's face had never been so… empty.

The very thought of his heartless actions still sent a disgusting wave of guilt churning through him.

Yet Edward hadn't said a word about it. He'd immediately forgiven Al and dismissed the fight with a smile and a story of fond memories. If anything, Edward seemed to act like the whole thing had somehow been all his fault using some sort of twisted logic that could only possibly make sense inside Edward's guilt-ridden mind.

"-phonse?"

Alphonse broke off from his thoughts to find Edward staring at him, looking for some sort of response. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what his brother had been talking about. Edward loved to talk, to rant, to joke, to complain, to muse aloud. Alphonse tended to let him ramble on while his own attention wandered until Edward inevitably grabbed it again.

Nevertheless, Alphonse swiftly apologised. It almost always calmed his choleric brother. "Sorry brother, I couldn't hear you. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that we've completely hit a dead end in all our research and we'll need to approach things from a different angle," Edward said, reaching out to grab Alphonse's arm. "That's why we're going to the library, come on!"

"Wait," Alphonse effortlessly ignored the grip on his arm. "You still think it's possible we can get our bodies back?"

In all the chaos of Edward's injuries and Alphonse's horribly timed lashing out at his brother, (on Edward's birthday of all times) they hadn't really discussed what they'd found out. That the philosopher's stone required human lives, that the homunculi wanted them to make one, that they'd infiltrated the military to do so.

Edward looked up at him smiling brightly; it was a fake smile. "Yeah, of course we can! I promised, didn't I?" Edward turned around once more and resumed walking.

"Yeah, you did." Alphonse said solemnly. How far would he go for him? What was Ed prepared to do, for his sake?

Edward continued in that bright tone. "It's equivalent exchange, right? If we keep working hard at it, we'll definitely get your body back. If we work hard and sacrifice enough then I know we'll be rewarded."

"That's right," Alphonse agreed, following his brother.

It was a cheerful sunny day and Ed was looking healthier than he had all week. Maybe being outside was good for him after all, after being cooped up in the hospital for far too long. That said, he was diving into research far too quickly, as usual. Didn't he know he could take a break, that he didn't have to push himself so hard?

There was only one way to persuade Edward to do anything. "Hey Ed, mind if we take a break in that park for a little while? I've been stuck inside all week," Al suggested, gesturing towards the verdant spot located very conveniently near Central library.

"You want to waste time sitting around, staring at birds?" Irritation was evident in Ed's voice. "Fine! Sorry for keeping you cooped up, you didn't have to stay with me, you know?"

"I wanted to," Al replied evenly.

"Still, you could stay here to relax, and I can get started on that research," Ed said, but only half-heartedly as they entered the grassy area.

The sort of work Edward was wanting to do would be the dull, tedious kind where they researched military records of certain studies that edged around the topic of human transmutation. Military documents tended to be extremely dry though they also generally had more concrete data in a more functional format than the far more interesting alchemy books that were often very theoretical or very encrypted. Once Edward got started, he would inevitably push himself far too hard, despite how much his body still needed to rest.

"I want you to be with me, brother."

Ed let out a large sigh, which was probably just him being dramatic. "Fine, whatever!"

He marched into the park and quickly seated himself against a large tree. A flash of relief appeared on his features before being wiped away just as quickly. Quite why Ed had to consider showing any genuine positive emotion to be some sort of failure when he seemed equally intent on plastering on fake smiles at any opportunity was another one of those mysteries. Oh well. Al was usually very good at reading his brother's moods, it made him feel sort of special to know he was possibly the only person who could. He quickly joined Edward and sat down beside him.

"Happy now?" Ed inquired rhetorically.

"You don't have to be so grumpy, the library isn't going anywhere."

Ed let out a groan. "Don't say that! That's what they said about the First Branch and then it burned down!"

Alphonse mentally winced as Edward made to stand up again before Alphonse quickly put a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down. His comment had been a bit careless. "Don't worry, we can see the building from here, it's not on fire."

"It'd better not be," Edward growled.

They were falling into their usual conversation habits where Ed was dramatic while Al remained calming. Usually this was how Al liked it, but he couldn't help but imagine tension between them. Surely Ed was still worried about everything from the fifth Laboratory. Surely, he wasn't going to brush everything off. Surely, Ed was still hurt by everything Al had said to him.

But how did he talk to his brother about it? It had been bad enough confronting him about the possibility of him being fake in the first place and he'd been lashing out in anger at the time. Didn't he owe his brother an explanation for why he'd allowed himself to think that way in the first place?

"Brother," Alphonse began, cutting into Ed's chatter. "You don't need to keep your promise, okay?"

Ed knew exactly what he meant. Suddenly all his brother's carefully hidden emotions were visible again. Ed looked alarmed, distressed.

Al swiftly continued. "You don't need to get me my body back, you've already tried so hard, but it's okay." It was a comfort to know his face didn't display any of his own conflicted feelings. He desperately wanted his body back.

"No! I'm not going to give up, Al. We'll find another way," Ed replied, looking up at him with fierce determination that Al just knew was hiding pain.

"But what if," Al paused uncomfortably. "What if there isn't another way?"

Ed stood abruptly, swinging his metal fist into the tree fiercely. Bark cracked with a painfully loud sound, drawing looks from the few people walking nearby. "There has to be another way!" Ed practically yelled.

"Brother!" Al snapped. Ed froze and collapsed to the ground once more. Ed had a tendency to run off when he got angry. He loved to ignore his problems.

"It's okay. I don't blame you, alright? Even if I never get my body back, I couldn't ever hate you." That had been Ed's biggest fear and Alphonse hadn't even known until he'd asked. He'd been trapped in this body for nearly five years, he'd been with Ed all that time, and he hadn't realised.

It was ridiculous because he knew what Ed was like, he knew that Ed felt guilty, and he had been angry at Ed at times for putting him in this armour. He'd long since forgiven his brother but maybe he'd never said so? They talked all the time, but so rarely did they talk about themselves. At the same time, surely Ed had to have known how much Al cared for him? How impossible it was for him to have been faking his feelings all this time? But then, he'd accused Ed of just as much.

Ed was dangerously silent, and Al gently pulled his brother towards him. Ed didn't resist as Al lifted him into his lap and curled his unfeeling arms around him into what was hopefully a gentle hug. Al wished he had a real body so he could really wrap his arms around his brother and hug him for real. Not this fake imitation where Ed rested his head against his steel chest, acting like it was in any way comforting.

"I'm really sorry," Al said softly.

"Hmm? You don't have to be sorry for anything," Ed said immediately. From this angle, Al couldn't see his expression, but he could sense the guilt. Why did Edward have to blame himself for everything?

"Yes I do," Al replied sharply. "I shouldn't have run off the other night. I shouldn't have hit you. Shouldn't have doubted you."

"I can't imagine what it's like trapped in that armour." Ed's tone was miserable. "It is my fault you're in there and I'm going to fix you."

There was no bravado in that declaration. Ed stated it like a fact. It was the same way he'd spoken about the human transmutation. Again, Alphonse wondered: how far was his brother going to go to return their bodies to normal? It was up to him to stop his brother from going too far.

"But you're allowed to get angry, brother. I was wrong, I made a mistake! Why aren't you angry at me?"

If he wasn't holding him, Al wondered if Ed would have stormed off by now. "It makes sense that you'd have doubts, Al. Of course, you don't feel human. You've said before that you don't feel things the same way. That's why I need to get your real body back."

"But I crossed the line! I said you didn't really love me when everything you do is for my sake. You joined the military so you could search for a way to fix my body. Why would you do that if I were a fake?" Al demanded.

To Al's surprise, Ed chuckled. "You were angry I was keeping secrets from you. I say all kinds of stupid things when I'm angry to get a reaction out of people. You know it was stupid, idiot. What would be the point in lashing out at you now?"

"I would think it'd make us both feel better," Al replied.

Ed was silent for a few moments. "Eh, it's seriously fine. I'm just glad you're still with me and-"

Ed began squirming and Al let his arms fall to his sides. Ed was able to stand up and turned to look directly into Al's helmet's gaze. He wrapped both his arms around Al's neck, returning the hug.

"And you know I love you," Ed muttered. "That's why I want to get you your body back. It's not just to keep a stupid promise or anything like that."

"And I love you too, brother," Al replied, before Ed could ruin the moment.

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 **Thanks for reading! Please feel free to review. Hope they both seemed in-character.**

 **This chapter can be read as a platonic relationship but I'm thinking of writing a second chapter which would be potentially Elricesty. If that's not to your tastes then definitely consider this to be complete.**


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